“Rosie is infused in our family and she always will be. Rosie was my first baby and she was the one that made me a Mum.”
These are the powerful, deeply personal words of Kaitlin Stothard, as she reflects on her baby daughter who was just 15 days old when she passed away in September 2022.
As part of Baby Loss Awareness Week, Kaitlin is sharing her family’s story to help raise awareness and offer comfort to other parents who have experienced the heartbreak of losing a baby.
In their Bangor home, keepsakes of Rosie are dotted throughout their living room, including a toy box with her name on it, framed prints of her hands and feet and the Eoin McLaughlin, Polly Dunbar children’s book, While We Can’t Hug, which Kaitlin explained was read to Rosie in the Neo Natal Unit and as she passed away in London’s Great Ormond Street Hospital For Children.
Kaitlin shared how she and her husband had had an early miscarriage on the cusp of 2020, “And then fell pregnant with Rosie towards the end of 2021.”
“We found out during our 20-week scan that Rosie had Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH). It meant there was a hole in her diaphragm where the organs move up into the chest cavity which can affect the lungs and heart.
“We got transferred from the Ulster to the Royal Victoria Hospital and from there to Great Ormond Street in London. Rosie was born at 34 weeks on September 3 2022 but lived for just 15 days.
“We had to use the Kevin Bell Repatriation Trust which was really lovely and it was soon after we came home that I got a call from Jacqueline Dorrian and Susan Stitt, the Bereavement Midwives at the Ulster Hospital.”
A member of the Ulster Hospital’s Forget Me Not Focus Group, set up within Maternity Services to bring together parents who have experienced the death of a child or baby, Kaitlin has praised the unwavering and dedicated support her family, and countless other parents have received as they seek comfort from each other during unimaginable loss.
The Focus Group host an annual Family Day and annual tree planting service in the ‘Forget Me Not’ woodland, which is nestled in the serene landscape of the Billy Neill Country Park, a picturesque location close to the Ulster Hospital. The Group also funds and manages the Bereavement Suite, within the Ulster Hospital Maternity Unit.
Kaitlin shared how both Jacqueline and Susan were just, “Really lovely, they asked me how I was and that it was ok to talk. They listened to my story.”
Kaitlin reflected how she was invited to attend the annual Forget Me Not Remembrance Service where she heard from and listened to other Mums and parents share their stories of their babies. “The following year I was telling my story, Rosie’s story. Telling our story.”
“Baby Loss Awareness Week is not for the bereaved. We don’t need a set week to remember our babies. Through the Forget Me Not Group, it is a way to open up conversation with others and listen. You don’t need to say the right things.”
Kaitlin poignantly added how the family sing Happy Birthday, “To Rosie every year. We talk about her constantly. At Christmas, Rosie is the missing chair, the missing artwork on the fridge. Rosie has her own tree at the Billy Neill Playing Fields, in the Forget Me Not woodland. It is where we go for her birthday. It was really important for us that family had somewhere to go if they needed to feel closer to her.”
Kaitlin explained how her son, 14-month-old Sonny, “Knows very much who his big sister is.” “Sonny is starting to kind of say Rosie’s name. They have a special bond. Sonny was due on Rosie’s birthday but he came on Rainbow Baby Day which was a really lovely experience.”
South Eastern Trust Bereavement Midwife Jacqueline Dorrian said, “No words can truly ease the pain of saying goodbye so soon. Although I never met Rosie, it was a privilege for me to know Rosie’s wee character from the stories Kaitlin shared with me of Rosie’s short life.
“Kaitlin has become one of the Forget Me Not Focus Group members is supporting other parents on their grief journey and improvement bereavement care within the Trust.
“It is important for bereaved parents to know that their baby’s life mattered, they will always be loved and that we are here to listen and support them on their grief journey whenever it is needed.”
For more information on the Forget Me Not Focus Group email Jacqueline Dorrian at Jacqueline.Dorrian@setrust.hscni.net